I go by Sai or Gray.

For catharsis in creative work, this blog. For catharsis in meta and blithely personal shitposts, metatextuality.

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cineresis:

cineresis:

cineresis:

cineresis:

cineresis:

traditional fic-writing: fluff. smut. coffeeshops. missing episodes. original characters. cross-genre AUs.

traditional copingfic: major archive warnings. graphic torture. crises of faith. mental illness. long tangents on the fundamental injustice of reality.


me writing fic: major archive warnings. graphic torture. crises of faith. mental illness. long tangents on the fundamental injustice of reality.

me writing copingfic: it’s original fiction about detectives for some reason

My mother, may G-d bless her because He certainly hasn’t given her much to work with so far, named me Sidney Solomon Jacobi. I got the name Shiv when I was twelve and dissuaded a number of my goyishe peers who endeavored to make sure I was properly circumcised before I became a man. Of such idyllic tales is childhood made.

It was an improvement over my previous nickname, Sid the Rat, which is what people call anyone born scrawnier than average with enough nose to stick it everywhere. For one thing, “the Rat” is not intimidating to anyone who has never read up on the Black Plague, or who generally has enough to eat and therefore no compelling reason to fight a rat and find out what happens when the bite subsequently gets infected, which it will. “Shiv” tends to give those familiar with the meaning pause, and gives one the opportunity to provide the remainder with educational anecdotes liable to give them even greater pause. For another thing, I stopped getting confused with all the other Rats out there, which was surely a relief to us all.

I developed a tendency to stick my nose in things because growing up poor and Jewish in Chicago, or really anywhere else, you don’t grow up if you don’t find out everything you can about everything there is to know, and there wasn’t nobody going to tell anything to some punk kid who always found some new way to disappoint his mother. By the time I knew enough law to get my accreditation, raising and dashing her hopes yet again, the detective’s license was little more than a formality. I already had a network of contacts stretching from Lincoln Square to 87th, Cicero to the harbor, many of whom owed me favours, and the rest of whom I could make life very inconvenient for if given a reason. My mother decries this as lashon hara. I tell her that only counts for gossip that’s no help to anybody, which means what I do is a damned sight better than her own pursuits, at which she pivots to asking why I don’t charge people more if what I do is so helpful then and what is the world coming to when children no longer care about their parents’ comfort. I don’t talk to her much.

If you like this, might I tempt you in the direction of an entire chapter of similar material narrated by Shiv’s partner?

(No outside knowledge is required – it is on AO3 as an original work written in a fandom context.)

This had been — along with the kinds of people I do talk to, my poor romantic prospects, the ache in her own stony breast for another generation of grandchildren to nurture into fine young alcoholics, and the accomplishments of my more upstanding and less sufferable peers — the subject of our most recent conversation. It was a little less than a week after the Christian New Year, a little less than two before I’d have to hear my mother’s voice again, and nobody was feeling too happy about either one. In my case, this was because I am morally opposed to matricide. In the case of many others, whose moral stances regarding matricide I am not qualified to remark upon, this was because the dragnet government raids of the past few months had recently resulted in over a hundred arrests of, reportedly, anyone who happened to be in or near the building in question during the local Communist chapter’s weekly kaffeeklatsch. In the case of my client, Mrs. Liese Dittmar, 39, of 1526 South Homan Avenue, this was more specifically because her husband Oscar had been attending a union meeting on the evening of that same raid, and had not been seen or heard from since.

Keep reading

My usual police contact shut me out, and made it clear that further inquiries regarding the recent raids would be met with significantly more pressing inquiries in the opposite direction. My contact in the forensics department, who was nicer, told me that whatever was going on, it wasn’t going through him, but he’d check around with the hospitals and morgues to rule out alternate causes of disappearance. My records request at the courthouse was met with a rote apology that all records related to this week’s raids were sealed from public view. My acquaintance at the Chicago Daily News told me that officialdom at large was doing everything in its power to keep information on the raids from getting out. I told her I’d sort of noticed. She told me that if I didn’t need to hear what she had to say then maybe I should stop calling her when she had deadlines to meet. I pointed out that I didn’t know she didn’t have anything to tell me until I’d asked. She hung up on me at that point. 
I should probably introduce my partner at this juncture.

Keep reading

The Man and the Moon

cineresis:

The twenties are roaring. The twenties are screaming. The twenties are whirling through a world grown increasingly incomprehensible in the wake of the Great War and the tide of shifting morals crashing against the dam of Prohibition.

For Drake Donovan, making sense of the incomprehensible is his life’s work. He knows what it is to defy comprehension, and what it takes to chip away at the problem until it fits into everyday reality. But when a client goes missing and a new one threatens to upend his carefully-constructed view of the world, it’s starting to look more and more like comprehension might be impossible — or worse, unconscionable.

Read from the beginning.

“Geez,” said Clay, in exactly the same tone as Shiv or Stella would have uttered the word fuck. “What’s going on, Drake? Need me to call in backup?”

“Not yet.” I hesitated. “I'm…not sure precisely what I’m looking at. It could be nothing, or some elaborate scam. If it’s not, it’s most likely a matter of life and death.”

“Um,” Clay responded. “I know this isn’t my area, but that really sounds like a situation that could use backup to me.”

So the universe is infinitely more mysterious than human science can yet explain. Drake knows how to handle mystery.

Read Chapter 8.

homunculus-argument:

If there’s one interesting character type I don’t think I’ve actually seen anywhere in fiction, it’s a non-hostile psychopath/sociopath. Just some otherwise completely regular person who can only theoretically grasp that other people do actually feel things like empathy or remorse, it’s not just a thought experiment or something you’re socially expected to politely pretend to have.

Someone who’s got friends and a social life, who doesn’t have a criminal record or indulge in actually acting upon violent urges because being in prison would be inconvenient. Living like other people do is simply more comfortable - even if they’d be perfectly capable of doing things other people couldn’t stomach, there’s nothing to be gained from doing something like that.

I could imagine a scene of a character like that actually explaining themselves to a friend - the reason why they act the way they do, what happened when their social mask accidentally slipped, and having the friend awkwardly laugh, trying to lighten the situation with a joke, like “hahah, what if you don’t actually like any of us and you’ve only manipulated us into liking you because having people around makes your life easier.”

And have them - just this once - opt to not fake a laugh, and instead just calmly say, “I mean yeah, I have literally done that, but I wouldn’t tell you this if we weren’t friends, now would I.”

And the friend shrugs like “well, fuck, alright, fair enough.”

w. would you like to change that

because i have literally written that scene for my other WIP in that series:

Approximately two years into our acquaintanceship, Drake Donovan offered to kill my mother.

“No,” I’d responded urgently. While this is not an atypical reaction to meeting my mother, I’d seen Donovan without the mask enough times by then to know that when he said things like that, he not only meant it but wouldn’t consider it a great inconvenience. “Jesus, Dee. No. You are not allowed to kill her, harm her, tarnish her reputation, arrange for any of these things to come to pass, or any other loophole I’ve forgotten in the heat of the moment, though I would not be averse to turning her life into an endless series of aggravations if you’re in the mood.”

“Would that in any way improve her delightful demeanor?”

“I sincerely doubt it.”

“Then I won’t go to the trouble.” Drake sighed, slipping his hands into his pockets. “Seriously, Shiv. All the women in the world you could love, and you had to choose her?”

Keep reading

metatextuality:

“Lionel? It’s Drake Donovan,” I said. “How much do you like me?”

There was silence over the line for several seconds. Then Lionel Harker said, “Why?”

“I fought off an aspiring murderer and was promptly arrested for it,” I said. “He sexually assaulted the victim first, so I sincerely doubt the cops here will be inclined to do me any favors. I’m in New Hampshire, maybe fifty miles north of Concord.”

“In that case, it doesn’t matter how much I like you,” said Lionel. “I’m not licensed to practice in New Hampshire.”

“No, but you know people who know people,” I replied. “I would like to think that some of those people are from New Hampshire.”

(more)

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The Man and the Moon

The twenties are roaring. The twenties are screaming. The twenties are whirling through a world grown increasingly incomprehensible in the wake of the Great War and the tide of shifting morals crashing against the dam of Prohibition.

For Drake Donovan, making sense of the incomprehensible is his job. He knows what it is to defy comprehension, and what it takes to chip away at the problem until it fits into everyday reality. But when a client goes missing and a new one threatens to upend his carefully-constructed view of the world, it’s starting to look more and more like comprehension might be impossible — or worse, unconscionable.

Read Chapter 1.

Having refused the call, Drake turns his attention to the plot.

Read Chapter 2.

Drake searches for answers, or perhaps the right question.

Read Chapter 3.

Drake follows a lead, and finds another. In the meantime, he gets a thing or two off his chest.

Read Chapter 4.

Drake finds answers. And maybe – just maybe – the right question.

Kat finds an unexpected ally. Also a knife. Again.

Clay may be the only one here who hasn’t killed someone.

Read Chapter 5.

They fucking rhyme.

Read Chapter 6.

Shit gets weird.

“Miss Scott,” I said with barely a pause, and without even the slightest scintilla of guilt. I rarely smile, but this time that fact held professional weight. “May I ask what you’re doing at the site of an attempted burglary this late at night?”

With a bright, puckish smile, she said, “Would you believe me if I said I was in the area?”

“I would not.”

Read Chapter 7.

cineresis:

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cineresis:

The Man and the Moon

The twenties are roaring. The twenties are screaming. The twenties are whirling through a world grown increasingly incomprehensible in the wake of the Great War and the tide of shifting morals crashing against the dam of Prohibition.

For Drake Donovan, making sense of the incomprehensible is his job. He knows what it is to defy comprehension, and what it takes to chip away at the problem until it fits into everyday reality. But when a client goes missing and a new one threatens to upend his carefully-constructed view of the world, it’s starting to look more and more like comprehension might be impossible — or worse, unconscionable.

Read Chapter 1.

Having refused the call, Drake turns his attention to the plot.

Read Chapter 2.

Drake searches for answers, or perhaps the right question.

Read Chapter 3.

Drake follows a lead, and finds another. In the meantime, he gets a thing or two off his chest.

Read Chapter 4.

Drake finds answers. And maybe – just maybe – the right question.

Kat finds an unexpected ally. Also a knife. Again.

Clay may be the only one here who hasn’t killed someone.

Read Chapter 5.

They fucking rhyme.

“Can I see those receipts?”

“Do I have a choice?” asked Matt. “That is, yes, of course you can. You’re obviously a detective, and I have great respect for what you do. I’m just not really sure of my position here.”

“You can refuse to cooperate at any time,” I said. “It will just make me very suspicious.”

“Ah,” said Matt. “I don’t want that.”

“I suspected as much. Slide them over.”

Read Chapter 6.

cineresis:

cineresis:

cineresis:

cineresis:

cineresis:

The Man and the Moon

The twenties are roaring. The twenties are screaming. The twenties are whirling through a world grown increasingly incomprehensible in the wake of the Great War and the tide of shifting morals crashing against the dam of Prohibition.

For Drake Donovan, making sense of the incomprehensible is his job. He knows what it is to defy comprehension, and what it takes to chip away at the problem until it fits into everyday reality. But when a client goes missing and a new one threatens to upend his carefully-constructed view of the world, it’s starting to look more and more like comprehension might be impossible — or worse, unconscionable.

Read Chapter 1.

Having refused the call, Drake turns his attention to the plot.

Read Chapter 2.

Drake searches for answers, or perhaps the right question.

Read Chapter 3.

Drake follows a lead, and finds another. In the meantime, he gets a thing or two off his chest.

Read Chapter 4.

Drake finds answers. And maybe – just maybe – the right question.

Kat finds an unexpected ally. Also a knife. Again.

Clay may be the only one here who hasn’t killed someone.

Read Chapter 5.

They fucking rhyme.

Read Chapter 6.

cineresis:

cineresis:

cineresis:

cineresis:

cineresis:

The Man and the Moon

The twenties are roaring. The twenties are screaming. The twenties are whirling through a world grown increasingly incomprehensible in the wake of the Great War and the tide of shifting morals crashing against the dam of Prohibition.

For Drake Donovan, making sense of the incomprehensible is his job. He knows what it is to defy comprehension, and what it takes to chip away at the problem until it fits into everyday reality. But when a client goes missing and a new one threatens to upend his carefully-constructed view of the world, it’s starting to look more and more like comprehension might be impossible — or worse, unconscionable.

Read Chapter 1.

Having refused the call, Drake turns his attention to the plot.

Read Chapter 2.

Drake searches for answers, or perhaps the right question.

Read Chapter 3.

Drake follows a lead, and finds another. In the meantime, he gets a thing or two off his chest.

Read Chapter 4.

In the enclosed space, surrounded by bare wood and concrete, the noise of the gunshot was tremendous. “Damn it,” I’m sure I muttered, though I couldn’t hear it.

Drake finds answers, or perhaps the right question.

Kat finds an unexpected ally. Also a knife. Again.

Clay may be the only one here who hasn’t killed someone.

Read Chapter 5.

cineresis:

cineresis:

cineresis:

cineresis:

The Man and the Moon

The twenties are roaring. The twenties are screaming. The twenties are whirling through a world grown increasingly incomprehensible in the wake of the Great War and the tide of shifting morals crashing against the dam of Prohibition.

For Drake Donovan, making sense of the incomprehensible is his job. He knows what it is to defy comprehension, and what it takes to chip away at the problem until it fits into everyday reality. But when a client goes missing and a new one threatens to upend his carefully-constructed view of the world, it’s starting to look more and more like comprehension might be impossible — or worse, unconscionable.

Read Chapter 1.

Having refused the call, Drake turns his attention to the plot.

Read Chapter 2.

Drake searches for answers, or perhaps the right question.

Read Chapter 3.

Drake follows a lead, and finds another. In the meantime, he gets a thing or two off his chest.

Read Chapter 4.

Drake finds answers. And maybe – just maybe – the right question.

Kat finds an unexpected ally. Also a knife. Again.

Clay may be the only one here who hasn’t killed someone.

Read Chapter 5.

cineresis:

cineresis:

cineresis:

cineresis:

The Man and the Moon

The twenties are roaring. The twenties are screaming. The twenties are whirling through a world grown increasingly incomprehensible in the wake of the Great War and the tide of shifting morals crashing against the dam of Prohibition.

For Drake Donovan, making sense of the incomprehensible is his job. He knows what it is to defy comprehension, and what it takes to chip away at the problem until it fits into everyday reality. But when a client goes missing and a new one threatens to upend his carefully-constructed view of the world, it’s starting to look more and more like comprehension might be impossible — or worse, unconscionable.

Read Chapter 1.

Having refused the call, Drake turns his attention to the plot.

Read Chapter 2.

Drake searches for answers, or perhaps the right question.

Read Chapter 3.

Drake follows a lead, and finds another. In the meantime, he gets a thing or two off his chest.

Read Chapter 4.

cineresis:

cineresis:

cineresis:

The Man and the Moon

The twenties are roaring. The twenties are screaming. The twenties are whirling through a world grown increasingly incomprehensible in the wake of the Great War and the tide of shifting morals crashing against the dam of Prohibition.

For Drake Donovan, making sense of the incomprehensible is his job. He knows what it is to defy comprehension, and what it takes to chip away at the problem until it fits into everyday reality. But when a client goes missing and a new one threatens to upend his carefully-constructed view of the world, it’s starting to look more and more like comprehension might be impossible — or worse, unconscionable.

Read Chapter 1.

Having refused the call, Drake turns his attention to the plot.

Read Chapter 2.

Drake searches for answers, or perhaps the right question.

Read Chapter 3.

Drake follows a lead, and finds another. In the meantime, he gets a thing or two off his chest.

Read Chapter 4.

cineresis:

cineresis:

cineresis:

cineresis:

traditional fic-writing: fluff. smut. coffeeshops. missing episodes. original characters. cross-genre AUs.

traditional copingfic: major archive warnings. graphic torture. crises of faith. mental illness. long tangents on the fundamental injustice of reality.


me writing fic: major archive warnings. graphic torture. crises of faith. mental illness. long tangents on the fundamental injustice of reality.

me writing copingfic: it’s original fiction about detectives for some reason

My mother, may G-d bless her because He certainly hasn’t given her much to work with so far, named me Sidney Solomon Jacobi. I got the name Shiv when I was twelve and dissuaded a number of my goyishe peers who endeavored to make sure I was properly circumcised before I became a man. Of such idyllic tales is childhood made.

It was an improvement over my previous nickname, Sid the Rat, which is what people call anyone born scrawnier than average with enough nose to stick it everywhere. For one thing, “the Rat” is not intimidating to anyone who has never read up on the Black Plague, or who generally has enough to eat and therefore no compelling reason to fight a rat and find out what happens when the bite subsequently gets infected, which it will. “Shiv” tends to give those familiar with the meaning pause, and gives one the opportunity to provide the remainder with educational anecdotes liable to give them even greater pause. For another thing, I stopped getting confused with all the other Rats out there, which was surely a relief to us all.

I developed a tendency to stick my nose in things because growing up poor and Jewish in Chicago, or really anywhere else, you don’t grow up if you don’t find out everything you can about everything there is to know, and there wasn’t nobody going to tell anything to some punk kid who always found some new way to disappoint his mother. By the time I knew enough law to get my accreditation, raising and dashing her hopes yet again, the detective’s license was little more than a formality. I already had a network of contacts stretching from Lincoln Square to 87th, Cicero to the harbor, many of whom owed me favours, and the rest of whom I could make life very inconvenient for if given a reason. My mother decries this as lashon hara. I tell her that only counts for gossip that’s no help to anybody, which means what I do is a damned sight better than her own pursuits, at which she pivots to asking why I don’t charge people more if what I do is so helpful then and what is the world coming to when children no longer care about their parents’ comfort. I don’t talk to her much.

If you like this, might I tempt you in the direction of an entire chapter of similar material narrated by Shiv’s partner?

(No outside knowledge is required – it is on AO3 as an original work written in a fandom context.)

This had been — along with the kinds of people I do talk to, my poor romantic prospects, the ache in her own stony breast for another generation of grandchildren to nurture into fine young alcoholics, and the accomplishments of my more upstanding and less sufferable peers — the subject of our most recent conversation. It was a little less than a week after the Christian New Year, a little less than two before I’d have to hear my mother’s voice again, and nobody was feeling too happy about either one. In my case, this was because I am morally opposed to matricide. In the case of many others, whose moral stances regarding matricide I am not qualified to remark upon, this was because the dragnet government raids of the past few months had recently resulted in over a hundred arrests of, reportedly, anyone who happened to be in or near the building in question during the local Communist chapter’s weekly kaffeeklatsch. In the case of my client, Mrs. Liese Dittmar, 39, of 1526 South Homan Avenue, this was more specifically because her husband Oscar had been attending a union meeting on the evening of that same raid, and had not been seen or heard from since.

Keep reading

My usual police contact shut me out, and made it clear that further inquiries regarding the recent raids would be met with significantly more pressing inquiries in the opposite direction. My contact in the forensics department, who was nicer, told me that whatever was going on, it wasn’t going through him, but he’d check around with the hospitals and morgues to rule out alternate causes of disappearance. My records request at the courthouse was met with a rote apology that all records related to this week’s raids were sealed from public view. My acquaintance at the Chicago Daily News told me that officialdom at large was doing everything in its power to keep information on the raids from getting out. I told her I’d sort of noticed. She told me that if I didn’t need to hear what she had to say then maybe I should stop calling her when she had deadlines to meet. I pointed out that I didn’t know she didn’t have anything to tell me until I’d asked. She hung up on me at that point. 

cineresis:

cineresis:

cineresis:

traditional fic-writing: fluff. smut. coffeeshops. missing episodes. original characters. cross-genre AUs.

traditional copingfic: major archive warnings. graphic torture. crises of faith. mental illness. long tangents on the fundamental injustice of reality.


me writing fic: major archive warnings. graphic torture. crises of faith. mental illness. long tangents on the fundamental injustice of reality.

me writing copingfic: it’s original fiction about detectives for some reason

My mother, may G-d bless her because He certainly hasn’t given her much to work with so far, named me Sidney Solomon Jacobi. I got the name Shiv when I was twelve and dissuaded a number of my goyishe peers who endeavored to make sure I was properly circumcised before I became a man. Of such idyllic tales is childhood made.

It was an improvement over my previous nickname, Sid the Rat, which is what people call anyone born scrawnier than average with enough nose to stick it everywhere. For one thing, “the Rat” is not intimidating to anyone who has never read up on the Black Plague, or who generally has enough to eat and therefore no compelling reason to fight a rat and find out what happens when the bite subsequently gets infected, which it will. “Shiv” tends to give those familiar with the meaning pause, and gives one the opportunity to provide the remainder with educational anecdotes liable to give them even greater pause. For another thing, I stopped getting confused with all the other Rats out there, which was surely a relief to us all.

I developed a tendency to stick my nose in things because growing up poor and Jewish in Chicago, or really anywhere else, you don’t grow up if you don’t find out everything you can about everything there is to know, and there wasn’t nobody going to tell anything to some punk kid who always found some new way to disappoint his mother. By the time I knew enough law to get my accreditation, raising and dashing her hopes yet again, the detective’s license was little more than a formality. I already had a network of contacts stretching from Lincoln Square to 87th, Cicero to the harbor, many of whom owed me favours, and the rest of whom I could make life very inconvenient for if given a reason. My mother decries this as lashon hara. I tell her that only counts for gossip that’s no help to anybody, which means what I do is a damned sight better than her own pursuits, at which she pivots to asking why I don’t charge people more if what I do is so helpful then and what is the world coming to when children no longer care about their parents’ comfort. I don’t talk to her much.

If you like this, might I tempt you in the direction of an entire chapter of similar material narrated by Shiv’s partner?

(No outside knowledge is required – it is on AO3 as an original work written in a fandom context.)

This had been — along with the kinds of people I do talk to, my poor romantic prospects, the ache in her own stony breast for another generation of grandchildren to nurture into fine young alcoholics, and the accomplishments of my more upstanding and less sufferable peers — the subject of our most recent conversation. It was a little less than a week after the Christian New Year, a little less than two before I’d have to hear my mother’s voice again, and nobody was feeling too happy about either one. In my case, this was because I am morally opposed to matricide. In the case of many others, whose moral stances regarding matricide I am not qualified to remark upon, this was because the dragnet government raids of the past few months had recently resulted in over a hundred arrests of, reportedly, anyone who happened to be in or near the building in question during the local Communist chapter’s weekly kaffeeklatsch. In the case of my client, Mrs. Liese Dittmar, 39, of 1526 South Homan Avenue, this was more specifically because her husband Oscar had been attending a union meeting on the evening of that same raid, and had not been seen or heard from since.

Keep reading